Reflections of ....the way life used to be.....

This past weekend we attended an engagement party for our friends Rebecca and Brent. It was great for us, especially, because it looked like a PTA reunion of parents from the '80's. All my daughter's friends' parents were there and it was lovely.

So this of course obviously led to a discussion of what it's like to be a certain age. (Rebecca's dad turned s*x*y on November 29th....) My friend Erica opined that it was like a Renaissance. You could embark on a variety of new paths in life and experience them in the fullness of time. Which of course provoked Mort to say that, to have a Renaissance, you have to go through the Dark Ages. After death there is resurrection and all that.

Well, that's true. For me, my 40's were the dark ages. But what is also true is that to truly embrace being 60, one has to acknowledge the "death" of certain things that simply are not going to happen. I am not going to be the first female Supreme Court justice (one of my early goals.) Not only have we had three, but I never did go to law school so it's a nonstarter. I also never did start my project of hiking the Appalachian Trail in segments. It's not that I COULDNT not start this project, but having hosted through-hikers this summer, I think it's a project best left to the young. I am content to hear their trail stories.....

So having said all that, we wish our friend Ellen a very happy 60th birthday tomorrow. Ellen is best known in some circles for two things: inventing the concept of "martyr points" as in "I have enough martyr points for a washer-dryer combination" and washing strawberries VERY THOROUGHLY in college (which necessitated rinsing them even MORE THOROUGHLY). Since that time she has distinguished herself in fields of endeavor too numerous to count.

For my part, I have decided that this decade will be dedicated to fomenting revolution in unlikely places and enjoying being part of the background of history....

Well, I DID IT!

Yep. For real. Not practice anymore.

I am officially s*x*y.

So what, do you ask, does it FEEL like?

GOOD!

Because my new hobby is looking at other people who are around my age and realizing that I stack up pretty well. Not in the "beautiful" category but in the "gee, you sure don't LOOK s*x*y!" category.

One reason it is feeling pretty good is that my four children (two biological, other two married to the two biological) gave me a SMASHING bday party! Most of the people in the room had known me at least half my life. And they still showed up!

Now that (optimistically) I'm two-thirds of the way to the finish line of life, what do I plan to do with the next 30 years?

1. Hug my granddaughters
2. Visualize whirled peas
3. Eliminate teeth-grinding and other outward manifestations of stress
4. Be thankful for what I have (no materially but spiritually and emotionally...)
5. Be careful what I wish for
6. Stay hopeful
7. Love my family and friends
8. Try to make the world a better place
9. Keep checking things off on my "I've always wanted to...." list
10. Keep moving

We'll check back on this list from time to time. No promises.

OK, OK, OK (and I apologize if I've used this title before.....

My "constant reader" SEB has pointed out to me that it's been almost two months since I've posted to this blog.

I suppose one could say "there are reasons for that."

a. Once the autumnal equinox hits, you really don't want to have much to do with me...
b. "Open enrollment" for Medicare D ramps up about October 1st. How would YOU like to be 103 messages behind at work?
c. How many ways are there to rhyme "f*cking lazy....."

Anyhow here I am and especially given the fact that I'm NOT QUITE 60, you'll have to forgive me.

So, hot off the presses:

1. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN (again....)

OK, so he forgot he was in Michigan instead of Ohio. Have you ever BEEN to Michigan or Ohio? Add in Indiana and they all look alike. Except for the Terminal Tower in Cleveland there are no "landmarks" to give you a sense of place. And he's 60 years old for gosh sakes. We should be glad he's still standing.....

2. JUMPING UP AND DOWN!

Did you hear that one of the BEST THINGS YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR BONES is jumping up and down? Who knew? Forget all that weight lifting and swimming. Get a jump rope or better yet (in these recessionary times) just stand in place and JUMP UP AND DOWN! (Probably not wise on an empty stomach or full bladder, however. We are, after all, over 60....)

3. MEALS ON WHEELS!!!

I received my very first "senior" meal on wheel today. It is a tradition in my agency that when someone turns 60 (which officially makes one an "elder" under the Older Americans Act of 1965) the staff brings you a "home-delivered meal." We will talk about congregate meals in future posts but trust me, the best deal going is the manicotti in Berkshire County.....

4. MAMMOGRAMS

I'm not sure I agree with this new decision giving women between 40 and 50 a pass on mammography. I personally had a benign cyst removed at age 37.5. I have always been glad that I had an early baseline mammogram. If the healthcare system can't handle it, the heck with them!

5. AND I'M SURE YOU WON'T AGREE WITH ME.....

but as upset as I am about the abortion restrictions in the healthcare reform bill, I think we NEED TO PASS HEALTHCARE REFORM and then fix it later.....the devil is in the details and the perfect is the enemy of the good and I'm sure I could think up more cliches if it weren't so late.....

And so it goes.....

peace

Who's the Boss?

Of course the big news in the world of demographics is that Bruce Springsteen is also my age. But this presents an interesting conundrum....

I have never BEEN to a Bruce Springsteen concert. Does this mean I am not representative of my generation? One of my friends, Becky, has probably been to over 100 concerts but she's a mere 50 plus....I have the feeling that by the time people were paying attention to Bruce I was the mother of at least one and perhaps two children and listening to "Free to Be You and Me" rather than rock 'n roll.

I do own an iPod however and have at least one if not two BS songs....does this count?

Unlike my friend Kay, who is the world's living authority on popular music, I stopped paying attention to what was going on about 1971. At that point we lived in Washington DC and there was a wonderful classical music station on AM radio which we listened to every morning on the way to work. I can tell you what was popular -- John Denver (and even I know that that is not rock music!) -- in 1974 because that was the year my husband and I took a three month trip around the country. That was also the summer of the Barbra Streisand/Robert Redford movie, the title of which now escapes me, and so they played the theme from that movie a lot too.

But once I stopped commuting to work all that came to a halt. And even though I went back to work, our town was so small that my job was literally down the street. So no long drives listening to the Boss, or heavy metal or rap or any of those other things that were going on.

I guess this is also where I should confess that I know nothing about the Grateful Dead, even though my husband's name sounds like one of the members of the group....

I really am out of it. Or was. Now that I'm almost 60 I'm on the cutting edge of social change. Just don't ask me who won the Grammys this year.

Scenic South Hadley....

was the setting for planning my 40th college reunion this weekend. WHAT? 40???? It feels like just yesterday when we arrived with our suitcases and walked up to the fourth floor of the dorm. It was one of the few times that men were allowed upstairs...just fathers and brothers carrying stuff!

Lots of the discussion this weekend was how things had changed for women beginning just about the time we went off to college in 1967. A woman was there from the Class of 1963 and talked about how the five years after her graduation had been a time of change and turmoil, and yet the day they had graduated they didn't have an inkling of what was to come. They had gone to college planning on looking for husbands....two decades later people were discussing "displaced homemakers."

But in addition to all the fun we had, the best part was hearing from older women that Turning S*x*y was, in fact, something to be looked forward to and savored. My friend Liz, with whom I was working, has become a vegan. She is totally committed to it and convinced that animal protein in one's diet can lead to bad stuff like cancer. I was intrigued....not sure I'm ready to become a vegetarian but I'm sure going to start Googling the "broccoli theory" which supposedly is the work of an MHC physician alumna in the same Class of '63. Who knew?

THIS NEWS JUST IN!

I always suspected that moderate drinking was "the way to belong." Thank God that has been confirmed by none other than The Paper of Record.... http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/01/health/research/01aging.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=Aging&st=cse

I try to drink moderately every single day. As I sip my moderate drinks I chant my mantra, which is "my brain is not aging....my brain is not aging...."

Of course I am just about to leave on vacation. The rule on vacation is that the definition of "moderate" is slightly modified. Moderate means "not before noon if you can help it...." and "remember you don't know any of the neighbors so if you do something silly who cares?"

What you have to know is that when I get back from vacation I am in my BUSY SEASON at work, so any moderate drinking I do will not be for enjoyment but for restoration. So vacation is my last time to really be able to savor my moderation rather than crashing onto the couch and roaring "Give me a drink!" I've tried to train the dogs to mix a martini but so far my efforts are for naught.

There is also research that shows that your liver gets more effective after the age of 60 and can handle pretty much anything....well, most anything....and the additional gain is that we usually fall asleep before we can do too much damage.

Bottoms up!

Thought I had forgotten you?

Hey, it was August! That means vacation! And that meant VISITING MY GRANDCHILDREN. Life does not get any better than that!

But now it's September so it's nose to the grindstone. Except that we have one more week of vacation next week. Which we'll need, because the fall is a very busy time at work for the Diva and so one needs all the R & R that can be mustered....

Just found a great article in the NYT about how much of one's retirement nest egg it's prudent to withdraw each year....http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/29/your-money/individual-retirement-account-iras/29money.html?pagewanted=2&em

As you can see, the Diva is not only thinking about vacation but also about retirement. Not that she's going to retire any time soon.

But it's good to have goals and so two goals for the next six years are: have as many vacations as possible and save as much $ as possible.

AHA you say! Conflicting/competing goals! How does one deal with this conundrum?

I'm not sure....but I'm working on it. I'm banking on the fact that by the time I'm S*x*y S*x, people will be begging all of us s*xagenarians to keep working at lofty rates of pay. Dream on, you say? Well, I shall.....

SALLY SEZ....

that the new infatuation in the universe is the season premiere of "Mad Men."

We were talking about the fact that the show does such a good job of portraying how absolutely stultifying life was for intelligent women pre-1968. My daughter said that watching the show helped her understand why I was so angry that young women didn't appreciate how much we had worked so that they had opportunities we didn't (Can you tell that she was an Obama supporter and I was a Clinton supporter in 2007-8? But of course now I adore the Prez and think the Secy of State is doing an AWESOME job!)

But Sally put it so well that I must just quote her:


the fact that we really are sexier, can feel sexier, now than when we were young, because:
no garter belts or tight cotton bras -- bare legs and sports bras.
no sitting in the bleachers cheering on the boys -- we jog, spin, walk and celebrate our bodies (what there is left).
no sitting by the telephone -- not only can we call, but we can IM, text, or whatever. Hello!
no secrets and embarrassments -- now one can advertise all or nothing on Facebook, plus there's so much more that's discussed and allowed.
no terrible competition, in a way -- now everyone is becoming gray and splotched and wrinkly, no matter how blonde or perky they were at 18. One can dye (but it's obvious) and buy creams of every description, but, really, we're all in the same boat. It's personality, humor, intelligence that counts. And, anyway, the guys have the overhang and the saggy chins, too, so who are they to be critical?

let's see -- I know there's more. But, in general, there was such a stereotype of what was pretty and desirable, and all the rules and accoutrements that went with it. Then, in the '60s, you could be a hippie -- but that was just as confining in its own way, and the women were supposed to wash the dishes while the men did the heavy political thinking, or music-making. Girls were still accessories.

Now, we make our own rules, for better or worse, and that's the sexiest feeling of all.

Isn't my friend Sally AMAZING?!!! She has really nailed the essence of this aging thing. Especially for women we HAVE come a long way baby and only those of us who wore the garter belts can truly understand how long and difficult the journey has been.....

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH....

I know my last post was over two weeks ago. What do you expect? I'm old and tired and can hardly put my fingers to the keys....

But a conversation with my friend John reminded me why I'm writing this blog. When you start to think about this "Turning S*x*y" stuff and aging and all that it can scare the **** out of you! Listen to this recent experience of John's....

Dropped off my car for service, and they were still open. Rick said he checked, and I didn't have it done very long ago, and I said that I had put on 3K miles. He said he saw that I had done 800 in 2+ weeks, but was going to check to be sure it wasn't something like they forgot to change the window sticker, or put the wrong mileage, because he didn't want to do the service if it wasn't needed. If only the doctors paid that much attention..

WHAT DOES THIS SAY ABOUT OUR SOCIETY? Auto mechanics (good ones, anyway) pay more attention to your car than physicians pay to our bodies! I'm being simplistic and the good docs are attempting to be like Rick the auto mechanic. But in my case, my personal physician has 4200 patients. Do you think Rick works on 4200 cars in a year? I DON'T THINK SO!!! And yet what's more important?

With the "Turning S*X*Y" set aging, we all have to be our own best advocates or we're F**K*D......but you didn't hear that from me....and apologies to my family members who are part of the medical profession but you know I speak the truth!

Just a reminder....

that it is INCREDIBLY COOL (ok, I'm dating myself with that word...) to be turning s*x*y. Listen to this!

Happy Birthday Meryl, Vera, Sissy, and Anna! These beautiful, brilliant, accomplished women are putting the “sex” back into sexagenarian.

Meryl Streep just turned 60 last weekend, and Vera Wang’s seventh decade begins next week. Bonnie Raitt and Sissy Spacek and Anna Wintour and Jessica Lange will soon follow. But these elderly geezers are not exactly going gently into that good night; instead, they have gone from zero to 60 with engines roaring. Streep just picked up an honorary degree from Princeton, Lange starred in the HBO hit Grey Gardens, Wang is about to twirl on Dancing With the Stars.

Now I have to admit, I'm still waiting for the local community college to call me about my honorary degree, and my closest connection to HBO is that my daughter worked there for a year and NO WAY am I going to appear on Dancing With The Stars! (I'm sure I would win but I have a philosophical objection to reality TV....)

However, I DID invent "Turning S*x*y" and you never know what else I might come up with. So stay tuned.....and while you're at it, have a nice day.

WHO STOLE MY METABOLISM??!!!

I was standing in the coffee shop this a.m. and someone came over and said "You sprinkle cinnamon on your lattes, don't you?" "Yeah," I said, "it's supposed to be good for you..." "Yes," she said, "it's supposed to help your metabolism...."

"I used to have metabolism," I said, "I wonder what happened to it?" "EXACTLY!" she said, "WHO STOLE MY METABOLISM?"

And you know, that is the essence of the problem.

I was not a bio major in college but I believe your metabolism has something to do with how quickly or efficiently your body processes nutrients etc. When you have a high basal metabolism, I think it means that you can eat fairly heartily and not put on pounds. If your metabolism is low, it's the opposite.

One of the real frustrations of aging for women is that their metabolism just seems to get up and walk off the stage. One day you're sort of a normal looking person and the next day you're "matronly." And no one can explain why.

Except people who understand metabolism. What are those people called? Endocrinologists? Haven't a clue.

All I know is that I'm sitting next to a group of eight men, all of whom are older than I am, and they're all thinner. That sucks, as the kids say. Now, it might be that this particular group of guys don't hang out with heavyset people. But somehow I just think that women have gotten the short end of the stick.

Maybe metabolism is one of those things that you can order on the internet....I don't know how much to order though and what kinds of sizes/amounts it comes in. Maybe I'll ask for a "medium" and see how that works out, and tweak it from there....

Something Old, Something New

I really went out on a limb the other day and bought NEW EVERYDAY SILVERWARE! I know, it was pretty extravagant, but after 40 years of silverware from the gas station giveaway, I figured it was time to upgrade.

I was inspired by my children, who are recently married, and all have pristine silverware drawers with five or six separate compartments and all the flatware neatly lined up and ready to go. Ours on the other hand is a jumble with castoffs, relics and stuff people left from various potluck suppers. Which is probably where the rest of my stuff is...scattered at other people's houses.

Now of course my kids have everyday forks from places like Crate and Barrel. For me, it's HomeGoods, but it's the same company that manufactured my sterling so there's some symmetry there. And the notion that I have eight of everything is almost enough to make you giddy with excitement.

Now the five piece "Hostess" set that accompanies this is a bit difficult to figure out. There is a serving spoon but that's just about the only thing I'm not short on, except when I'm having a dinner party and can't find any serving spoons. There is also a "cold meat fork." I don't tend to serve cold meat. And if I do, you just pick it up in your hands, like chicken. I'm not much of a cold cut person. Probably because every Thanksgiving, in a burst of holiday cheer, my father-in-law would mumble "this is too much trouble. Why don't we just have cold cuts?"

Then there's the sugar spoon. This conjures up images of a real sugar bowl with a spoon sitting in it. But if your "sugar" is various random packets of Splenda that you've pinched from the coffee place, I'm not sure what that spoon is going to end up doing either. It's too big to give to my infant granddaughters to teeth on.

But whether or not I utilize all the accoutrements, I think I'll make it a nightly ritual to count my silverware and make sure there are at least eight of all the basics. Of course, my husband has already used a couple of pieces and I was a bit annoyed because I liked just LOOKING at the stuff. If someone uses it and puts it inthe dishwasher, it destroys the balance. But I guess that's how librarians feel when you take the books off the shelf and they just finished getting them all in alphabetical order....

WHAT DO WOMEN WANT?

It's really hard to get one's priorities straight here...I mean, Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson died on the same day. But I think we should concentrate on Mark Sanford.

I know that everyone is dumping on him, as they should, but we (and I use the editorial wee....inside joke)here at Turning S*x*y want to point out something...

What if someone sent you an email that said " In the meantime please sleep soundly knowing that despite the best efforts of my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul."

I mean, really, isn't that SWEET! Wouldn't you like it if your beloved sent you something like that?

Of course, the real question is "why wasn't he sending emails like that to his wife?" or "why wasn't his wife sending emails like that to him?" (we're an equal opportunity voyeur and not prejudging anything.....)

So just a heads up for all of us aging boomers. I know Mark isn't 50 yet, but he's reminding us that we don't have to throw in the towel....

GERONTOLOGY 101

It probably isn't a common occurrence to put the words "awesome" or "cool" with "gerontologist" but I recently met the world's absolutely most amazing member of the species.

Dr. Susan Wehry, M.D. is a professor at UVM Medical School and consults to the State of Vermont. She is approachable and no-nonsense and tells it like it is. I live in a place where we don't have real gerontologists so it was a privilege to hear her recently and get some basic information on what happens to our bodies when we age and what kinds of things we need to be focusing on.

The main focus of the conference was mental health, so the gist of her remarks were directed toward behaviors and practices that can enhance or undermine our aging experience. For example, did you know that as we get older, we get "fatter" and "drier." The % of our fat cells increase and the % of muscle cells decrease. That's just a fact. So when physicians prescribe medications to us "over 60" types, drugs that are "fat-loving" (her term, not mine -- the technical term is "lipophilic!") can cause adverse reactions because they mate for life with all those wonderful new fat cells and it's hard to get them to leave! (Kind of like those guests at a party when even a yawn isn't enough of a hint....)

One of the lipophilic drugs is one of my best friends, alcohol, and I don't mean the rubbing variety. So when an older person has an alcoholic beverage, it clings to the fat cells and takes longer to leave the body. And it stays even longer in women's bodies than in men's bodies.

So what's a person to do? First of all, drink a glass of water in between alcoholic drinks. Better yet, limit alcoholic drinks to one a day for women and two a day for men. (Hey, that's difficult which is why I'm pushing the water!) But trust me, we need to pay attention to this stuff. When confirmed alcoholic elders go to dry out, it can take weeks, even MONTHS, for the stuff to leave their system. That's because those fat cells are holding on to the hooch for dear life!

I think that's enough sobering news (sorry, I couldn't resist that) for one day, so we'll continue with thoughts from Dr. Susan soon!

BITE ME!!!

A recent article in the Washington Post http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/22/AR2009062201659.html?sub=AR talks about how one of the real "pains" of aging is dental work. They talk about how the "royal pain" (aren't we clever?) is getting crowns. And how expensive it is.

THEY DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT! I am in the process of having $20K worth of dental work done. We're talking implants, kids. If you don't know what those are, don't ask. Or as they say, if you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Of course, the dental profession knows how to get you to pony up for MAJOR WORK (for some people that's a facelift; for me it's the dentist!) If you mention in passing that your daughter is getting married they say "You don't want your teeth to fall out during the wedding!" And if they're talking about the difference between getting dentures (which is what normal people do) and implants they say, "Well, if you want to put your teeth in a glass every night...." So of course you opt for the "Gee Doctor will I be beautiful if I have the implants?" "Of course!" "Great, because I was hideous before!"

One of the questions people ask most when they get to be over 65 is why there is very little insurance for dental work, vision and hearing. My answer "If you were an insurance company and all your customers were over 65 would you sell them insurance for dental work, eyeglasses and hearing aids?" DUH! Insurance is about having a random possibility of something happening. You can be pretty sure that lots of your clients over 65 will need "help" in one of these areas.

The hardest thing is, not only am I trying to do this during a recession, when it's hard enough to come up for the scratch, but it becomes my excuse for everything else in the world. Recently two very deserving healthcare organizations asked for a donation. In one case, they may have to close their doors if they don't raise the $. I had to say that whatever I gave would be minimal because of my dental work! Is this what the future looks like? "Gee honey, let's go out to dinner!" "No, we can't....we have to save up for my hearing aids!" It ain't pretty.....

Breathing Lessons

I have just returned from one of life's most bittersweet events....a "celebration of life" for a man who was taken from us at age 62.

We live in a very small town, and as one person at the party said, "In Somerville or Cambridge people would wonder what's the big deal that a real estate broker died..." But in our community this man was the quintessential pillar. And given what he did for a living, it is hard to believe that LITERALLY no one ever had a bad thing to say about him. He was a Prince.

So for those of us who are his demographic peers (no one can be his peer in terms of kindness, love, humor or joie de vivre...) what is the lesson? To live, love, laugh and be happy. Trite, corny, overdone. Yeah, whatever. It's still true. This is a person who was always seeing the best in people and always stopped to really talk to you. Someone said that a trip around the corner took him an hour because he stopped to talk to everyone.

How many times do we have to learn the lesson that life is short, that we should tell those around us that they are important to us, that we love and cherish them. I was talking to one of this man's best friends. I told him that, having lost three friends to whom I was extremely close, I could, in fact, feel his pain. It is not pretty. But it beats never having been close enough to anyone so that you avoid that pain.

This man did good and did well. He loved his family. He cherished his friends. He gave back to his community. He remade himself at least twice. He was the quintessential Baby Boomer.

He was the best. We can only hope to be half the person he was. Here's to you, Donnie....I'll never play darts without thinking of you.

What Can You Say About Your Best Friend....

when she's just turned S*x*y....and then you didn't even get her blog post up in time.

Happy Birthday, Luana, albeit a bit late.

When we were in college, one of our mutual friends snidely suggested that Luana would be the first person to have "a station wagon, two kids and a dog...." Life being what it is, the person who made the comment beat Luana by a few years....Luana at the time was a retail executive in Washington DC. But then the kids did come, three beautiful daughters to be exact, so of course she HAD to have the station wagon and actually they had two dogs at one point (RIP Sadie...)and now she's the best college counselor in the country!

Luana is one of those people who, as Pooh would say, is a REAL FRIEND, NOT LIKE SOME...in good times and in bad (and we've had our shares of both) she has always been there for me. And now, as she turns s*x*y, she is planning the wedding of her oldest daughter, sending off the graduates of Winston Churchill HS to lives and careers filled with possibilities and still finds time to spend quality time with her 90 year old mother. A paragon of virtue? I will let you judge....HAPPY BIRTHDAY LU P!!!!!

Hi-Tech

Sorry I haven't posted in a while but I was at a conference learning how technology is going to affect our generation. OK, I can hear everyone saying "DUH...." out there, but think about this.

The reality is that Medicare and Social Security literally will not have enough people to answer the phones so that we can ask questions about how these programs affect us. And, unlike our elders, we are smartasses, and we will start to ask all kinds of "stump the chump" questions just to show the person on the other end of the phone that we are brighter than they are.

So they've done us one better. They are moving many of the functions of these two agencies (Social Security Administration and the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services) to a virtual online presence. You can ask for a printout of your benefits, you can pick your own drug list, you can keep track of your medical bills.

But what about those people who aren't computer savvy?

The reality is that people 50+ better get with the program and fast because pretty soon the world will feel like you have "no excuses." It will be the equivalent of someone saying "I don't have a phone."

There's another reason to start being more tech-savvy and that is that, as we age, we can become more isolated. Technology can close the gap for people who can't get out much and can't jump in a car or on a plane every time they want to interact with friends. A new article in the NY Times http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/02/health/02face.html?_r=1&emc=eta1 talks about how older people can maintain friendships with the help of social networking sites.

Believe it or not, the conference I attended encouraged us to reach out to elders with things like Facebook and Twitter. And yeah, the obvious reaction was, "but THOSE people don't use Facebook and Twitter." Well I am here to tell you that the Class of '67 at Shaker Heights HS is having tons of fun reconnecting without the constraints of "who was popular" or "did we go to the same country club?" We are just having fun reconnecting and talking about jobs, grandchildren, aging parents and the like.

So obviously, if you're reading this, you're with the program. But make sure that those around you realize how important it is to be connected -- both emotionally and technologically. Hey, if my 94 year old Mother In Law can do it, anyone can!

Finally, we find something to cheer about!

Ok, troops, you knew that SOMEDAY people would say "Boy, I sure envy all those people over 60!" Well, we now have Reason #1: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/05/21/AR2009052104033.html?referrer=emailarticle

That's right -- at least a third of individuals over 60 who were tested had partial immunity to the H1N1 virus, known in the 'hood as the swine flu!

Now, it happens that the swine flu is actually spreading in Eastern MA so I don't want to sound like I'm not sensitive to other people's troubles. But with so many of our compatriots looking for work right now (I know, they don't call it "age discrimination" they call it "reduction in force and you guys make more money so what do you expect me to do?")we could definitely advertise ourselves as "a good employment risk because we are less likely to be out for long periods of time during a major pandemic..." I mean, you have to emphasize your strengths.

It's to Dye for!

Although the last thing the "Turning S*x*y" group should worry about is how they look, the reality is that I have always secretly enjoyed seeing people my age who look older than I do. It's one of the few places where I can compete on looks.

So it was pretty discouraging today when I got a new haircut. It's a great haircut -- easy to take care of, stylish, etc. -- but it has one problem. The way it turned out it showed that I had a TON of gray hair.

I was shocked to see that, to my mind, I'd aged about ten years in ten minutes. It's the first time I have EVER thought about coloring my hair. Because I also pride myself on looking like I look. Period. I don't wear makeup. I don't even wear much jewelry. I don't like to shop. I pride myself on being a nontraditional woman in all the vanity departments.

Except for the fact that I used to look younger than my age. In part I think it's because I DONT wear makeup. When you don't put gunk on your skin, then it's just your skin. And I guess I'm lucky that, although my gene pool contains lots of unwanted inhabitants, it does have the "good skin and cheekbones" genes.

So how do I handle this? Do I stick to my guns and say "you can deal with this!" or do I give in and say "Hey, you just invested thousands in dentistry, why not get hair to go with your teeth?" Hmmmm.....

And then, of course, I realize what's bizarre about all this. While I was getting my hair cut, I ran into my friend Carol, whom I literally hadn't seen in two years. Because she's been battling cancer. She was at the hair salon because she gets her hair done every three weeks. Chemo and cancer have turned it stark white. She actually looks incredible. You would not know she is battling a life-threatening illness. She was given eight months to live two years ago. She is laughing, telling jokes, and fitting in trips to the oncologist between work and visiting family and friends. She is, simply, amazing.

And I'm worrying about whether I should color my hair? Maybe I should be glad I HAVE hair.....

Stepping Aside

Sorry to keep blogging about articles, but my feelings are a bit hurt. In the last week, I told two different people that I'd started a blog about "Turning S*x*y." Both of them said "Have you read Anna Quindlen's last Newsweek column?"

Well, here it is: http://www.newsweek.com/id/195657

Maybe it's OK for Anna Quindlen to say she'll "step aside." She has a lot of money now, and as she says, she's still going to write books. And frankly, I think it's pretty cheeky to say that you're going to retire at age 57 or something (she says she was 8 when JFK was elected) in the middle of a recession. Sort of like thumbing your nose at your public.

For some of us, we didn't hit it big in our 30s, our 40s or even in our 50s. We are still chasing the dream, and as my friend Jerry Posner says "Wake Up Late Bloomers! It's Not Too Late!" or something to that effect. So with all due respect to Anna, I am NOT stepping aside. In fact, I think I'll stand right in the middle of the sidewalk and make someone notice me....

DEFINE HAPPINESS

or as the sage says "I've given you a topic. Talk amongst yourselves."

One of the benefits of aging is that you have the ability to look back and assess the path you've taken and then make some choices about which way you'll go for the rest of the journey.

An article in the Atlantic brought me up short because I found the whole concept fascinating. A researcher decided to follow a group of Harvard men starting in the 1930's and track them to see what the course of their lives were. They were chosen because they exhibited qualities that would have seemed to have given them a good head start in life, not to mention that they already were at Harvard. The article, which is found at http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200906/happiness takes a while to read but I couldn't put it down (or whatever the equivalent is when you're reading something on the internet....couldn't stop scrolling?)

One interesting statistic is that a third of the men ended up having major problems with alcohol. Some of the brightest and most "promising" took detours in life that no one would have suspected. One of the people who took such a detour had such an interesting take on this life choices that I'm not sure he wasn't the most "successful" even though he was probably crazy and certainly unconventional to say the least.

I'd be interested in hearing what anyone has to say.....Peace.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SALLY

If this blog is for one thing, it is to celebrate the notion that those of us Turning S*x*y are, for lack of a better phrase, the cat's meow! I realize this phrase actually predates those of us who are 60 but I think one of our goals this decade should be to bring back long ago phrases, just like we recycle music.

So who better to wish a Happy Birthday to than to my friend Sally! She is one of the inspirations for this blog and has made the notion of entering a seventh decade seem like an absolute hoot! In part because she looks like she's 50 and she is also a fount of all sorts of information -- philosophical, trivial, political, inspirational and humorous. She is the first person, for example, who turned me on to Susan Boyle. Yes, two days later, everyone had heard of Susan Boyle, but Sally was ahead of the curve. Always has been, always will be. And of course, as President of the Jerry Groopman Fan Club (otherwise known as "The Groopies") she almost has a full-time job on her hands. And if you don't know who Jerry Groopman is, then that just proves that she's ahead of the curve and you're not. OK, the rest of the world calls him Jerome, but they're not part of the Club.

We've all heard all this stuff about today being the first day of the rest of your life. Well, in the case of the Turning S*x*y set that couldn't be more true. We are going to remake the image of elders in a way that will ASTOUND this society. Of course we will be doing that after we have a cup of coffee and maybe a short afternoon nap, but you'll see it.

I could go on and on but there's that little issue of coffee....

Sobering Thoughts

I spent part of the weekend planning a 40th college reunion. It was lots of fun and we had a lot of laughs but one member of our group pointed out something that wasn't terribly funny....the class five years ahead of us, who had started with the same number of members, was 50 people smaller than we were...

Note to self. Show up at 40th reunion because who the heck knows who will be there for the 45th or 50th. Show up for 50th high school reunion. Ditto....

I mean, we're not THAT old. But I had to say that I saw at least three classmates that looked like they were headed for myocardial infarctions. Hopefully their meds are up to date and they're eating their Wheaties.

So yes, we're going to live forever but you may want to take out that long-term care insurance now while you can still get it!

Friendship, Friendship, just the perfect blendship...

I saw the most wonderful quote on the NYT website today: " Not only do we have to eat right and exercise, now we have to make friends, too! ”
— Peter H
The Power of Friendship

Yeah, making friends. Such a burden. Almost as bad as having to eat broccoli.

Actually, I LOVE broccoli and I rejoice in my friendships. But there is no doubt that having close friends can literally lengthen your life. It's been scientifically proven and works more effectively than stopping smoking, losing weight or eating broccoli.

One of the things that we don't like to think about is that, as we age, all the people we now hold dear, depend on, take for granted, will not necessarily be around. Modern pharmaceutical technology has certainly changed the outlook for everyone, and older men especially, but the reality is that when you look at retirement homes, there are an awful lot of women eating together.

And while losing your spouse can be devastating, losing your best friend can have the same kind of effect. And what if you never had a best friend? If your spouse is your only friend (and unfortunately, this can be true for many men) then you find yourself isolated. And there are very practical reasons why you need to keep other people in your life.

The reality is that, sometime between now and when you're 90, stuff will happen. You'll break your hip, you'll have eye surgery, you'll succumb to the shingles. You'll need other people to help you. Yes, you can tough it out and show people how independent you are, but the best prescription is to let others assist you, and you can be there to return the favor when they need assistance.

That means keeping up relationships. And not always assuming that your children are going to be waiting on you hand and foot. (Hint: They're not.) And it means developing relationships with people younger than you are so that when you're 70 or 80 you have lots of 50 and 60 year old friends who don't mind driving you to the grocery store or picking up a bottle of wine.

So, at every birthday, inventory your list of friends. Give thanks for the ones you have and remember to tell them personally what they mean to you. And find a new friend who will be around when your old friends move to Arizona. You may be laughing now, but I know I'm right....

When in doubt, ask a woman over 60....

I'd like to give a shout out to my friend Ann Kaplan. We all knew she was a genius but now Forbes has confirmed it!

http://www.forbes.com/2009/04/24/wealth-management-investing-forbes-woman-net-worth-portfolio.html

Is it the BEST of times or the WORST of times...or something inbetween?

Now, admittedly, I shouldn't be surprised that I'm getting so many different kinds of reactions to my focus on "Turning S*x*y." I'm right in the middle of this big group of people, some older, some younger but all with an opinion. That's one of the things people my age are known for ... we ALL have opinions!

So one friend wrote the following observation:

"Sixty ain't all it's cracked up to be -- on either end of the 'good to bad' spectrum.

And sixty ain't where it used to be in the 'young to old' spectrum of one's life, either. While definitely past the halfway point in years, should you really count as 'age' those years when you were learning the basics, followed by those years when your hormones were in charge? Seriously, life as we know it began sometime around age 25, right? Which puts us squarely in our 30s!"

I actually think my friend has a point! We are in the middle of our most productive years. But productive doesn't necessarily mean that we always have to work for a paycheck or that we have to keep on doing what we keep on doing. We can change horses, lighten the load, veer off on an unmapped trail or ....well, I'm running out of corny metaphors.

Some people see this as liberating...others who may have already experienced shocks to the system in terms of being widowed, having health issues or financial problems, are probably wary of seeing any kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

So one real question is: if you don't like how things have gone so far, how much opportunity do you have to change the future trajectory. Is it mind over matter? Is it being willing to make hard choices and leave some baggage behind and say "I can't change what'a already happened, I can only be prepared for what's to come?"

And for those who have been enjoying life, and are optimistic about the future, are they unrealistic if they're not prepared for the fact that life can come up and slap you in the face in mere moments? And yet certainly we don't want to wake up every morning thinking about what could go wrong!

Trust but verify. Walk softly but carry a big stick. Tell people who are important to you that you love them. Know what three things you'd carry out of your house if it was on fire. And do something nice for yourself every day.

If you don't like the weather...

just wait five minutes is how the old saying goes....

Well, around here, we don't wait five minutes. We wait a week or more. I live in a place where LITERALLY, people have been talking all week that it's going to be WARM THIS WEEKEND! You'd think it was the second coming of sunshine or something....

Now, what does any of this have to do with a blog dedicated to those over 60? Well, I'll tell you...the whole issues of where one is going to live in one's golden years is a very hot topic. There are more than two schools of thought.

School of Thought Number 1 is that you stay where you were planted. That's where your friends are, you want to grow old in your familiar surroundings, your kids want to come back to where they grew up.

SOT #2 is that you stay in the same community or metropolitan area, but you find something more "retirement friendly." This includes condos, houses on one floor, houses with first floor bedrooms and handicapped-accessible bathrooms, apartment complexes that only allow people 55 and over to hang out etc. etc. etc. We won't talk about continuing care retirement communities and assisted living because we're turning 60, not 85.

SOT #3 is that you move near your kids. SOT 3.1 says you actually ASK your kids if they want you to do this. SOT 3.2 says "Hey, we're all adults here" and one day you announce that you've bought a condo a few miles away and that you're available for babysitting. They can take it or leave it.

SOT #4 is that you pick some wonderful place where you've always wanted to live. And this is where our discussion of the weather becomes relevant (you wondered where I was going with this, right?)because, and I am embarrassed to say this, but the older you get the more important temperate climes become.

There, I've said it. I feel like a weeny, but after years in Cleveland and New England, frankly I'm not all that sad when someone invites me to NC or AZ. The question is, would I want to live there FOREVER. Would I want to REGISTER TO VOTE THERE?

This used to be an easier question because the world was divided into places where you would be proud to say you're paying taxes and places where you would be embarrassed to say that you're supporting the current government. But the last election turned places like FL, NC, IN, VA, etc. into what are traditionally called "blue states." This opens a whole new world for those of use who can't imagine moving to a new town and NOT volunteering for the sign commission. Oh yeah, I forgot, those libertarian southern states don't have things like the sign commission. They'll let ANYONE put up ANY SIGN they want. Of course, it means that you feel like you're living in a billboard jungle but that's freedom of expression for you.

I've personally picked out about five places where I would be comfortable retiring to. And NO, one of them is NOT IN FLORIDA! (No offense to my friends who live or winter in Florida.) I've decided that Washington, DC, San Diego, CA, Flagstaff, AZ, St. John's USVI, and Christchurch NZ meet my acceptable standards. Except for one of them, they're all far from my grandchildren however. Hmmmmm.

SOT #5 is that you sell your house, buy an RV and simply start driving. You suck up to friends who travel a lot and offer to housesit for them. You learn where the good shopping center parking lots are. You embarrass your children by parking this monster truck in their driveway. But you always have the wind at your back and you're not tied down (unless gas goes to $7.50 a gallon....)

So we do have options, but each one carries risk as well as reward....to be continued...

We've Been Validated!

I just love it when someone discovers the obvious.

An article in the April 20th NYT proclaimed "The Older Audience is Looking Better Than Ever." (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/20/business/20adcol.html?scp=1&sq=Older%20Audience&st=cse) Instead of thinking of people our age as the Geritol generation -- I mean really, when was the last time you actually heard that someone took Geritol? -- we're now the only people with a positive net worth in the wake of the economic downturn. We have "assets, not allowances." The new "in" statistic is that by 2010, the highest median incomes in the country will be among families led by persons aged 55 to 64. Take THAT Generation X, Y, Z and whoever else you are.....

Gee, who'd a thunk it?

Now, what did it take for this lightning bolt of insight to strike the advertising biz? Well, first it was when the younger ad executives started to get laid off. The kind that say "We never target the 50-year-old market because they don't have many purchase cycles left to them."

Which is why our new slogan is going to be "Never Trust Anyone Under 60." We'll give junior membership to those aged 50 to 60 who learn to respect their elders.

HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY CHOLESTEROL?

I knew that my life had changed....not necessarily for the better or for the worse...when I couldn't wait to tell my walking group that my cholesterol had dropped 85 points.

Forty years ago I would limited this kind of "breaking news" treatment to stories about my boyfriend. Twenty years ago to accomplishments of my children. Now it was my cholesterol.

And no I'm not going to tell you some Birkenstock story of how I changed my diet and started exercising and eating flaxseed and drinking pomegranate juice. I took a pill. A generic pill. And the little sucker went from 280 to 195. Who'd a thunk it?

The problem is that I am not really in favor of taking pills. I think in another life I must have been a Christian Scientist. Certainly my mother brought me up to believe that being sick was a sin. It has made me intolerant of sick children, sick colleagues and all manners of other people. I do make occasional exceptions for inherited maladies but in general I would just rather avoid the medical profession all together. And I am to medicine what most Americans are to government. I am not fond of doctors but I adore my own doctors and my family members who are doctors. And of course family includes all my young friends who are applying to med school or newly minted physicians. They're different....

But here was my problem. I'm fat. There. I've said it. I'm fat. I used to be skinny. People used to feed me because they thought I was wasting away. And so I'm the opposite of an anorexic. When I look in the mirror I see a thin person, no matter who is staring back at me. For this reason I don't look in mirrors too much. Which means I overlook a lot of runs in stockings and sagging hemlines.

And then finally I found this great diet that was the answer to my prayers. The South Beach diet. You could eat all the eggs and cheese and meat you wanted and lose weight. What's not to like (well, the part where you don't eat bread or pasta or drink orange juice....) The other downside was that all those things were cholesterol-laden. So I was finally persuaded to "go on The Pill."

No, I'm not skinny. Staying on that South Beach thing isn't all it's cracked up to be although I don't eat much rice or bread anymore. Except when I do. So I'm still fat, but boy, you should hear about my cholesterol. Have I told you.....?

Welcome to My World

In a few weeks I'll be 59 1/2 years old. Gee, I can start withdrawing from my IRA WITHOUT A PENALTY! This aging stuff is way cool!

Of course, not so cool is how the entire economy decided to go into the tank just as all the Boomers were planning to retire. One of my friends just emailed that she is thinking of "unretiring." We don't ask why. It isn't done in polite circles.

One wishes you could channel someone who was turning 60 or 65 in 1930 ... they would have been born in 1865 to 1870. You can just see them, hanging out at the local coffee shop, bitching and moaning "First it was Reconstruction and then the Panic of 1893 and then the Great War and now THIS! Don't we ever get a break?" Oh yeah, I forgot....there really wasn't such a thing as retirement back then. You either had already died or your kept working or you moved in with your kids or your maiden sister. And there was no Dunkin' Donuts. We're talking dire poverty.

So it is the best of times and the worst of times. We have our whole lives ahead of us and not a dime in our pockets but what the hey! If you haven't got your health you haven't got anything. And guess what, when you are about to turn 60 that doesn't seem like such a funny statement anymore.

I hope you'll join me in exploring the myriad ways we can continue to annoy both our elders and our offspring. We're Baby Boomers and you'll just have to deal with it. Always have, always will.