I saw the most wonderful quote on the NYT website today: " Not only do we have to eat right and exercise, now we have to make friends, too! ”
— Peter H
The Power of Friendship
Yeah, making friends. Such a burden. Almost as bad as having to eat broccoli.
Actually, I LOVE broccoli and I rejoice in my friendships. But there is no doubt that having close friends can literally lengthen your life. It's been scientifically proven and works more effectively than stopping smoking, losing weight or eating broccoli.
One of the things that we don't like to think about is that, as we age, all the people we now hold dear, depend on, take for granted, will not necessarily be around. Modern pharmaceutical technology has certainly changed the outlook for everyone, and older men especially, but the reality is that when you look at retirement homes, there are an awful lot of women eating together.
And while losing your spouse can be devastating, losing your best friend can have the same kind of effect. And what if you never had a best friend? If your spouse is your only friend (and unfortunately, this can be true for many men) then you find yourself isolated. And there are very practical reasons why you need to keep other people in your life.
The reality is that, sometime between now and when you're 90, stuff will happen. You'll break your hip, you'll have eye surgery, you'll succumb to the shingles. You'll need other people to help you. Yes, you can tough it out and show people how independent you are, but the best prescription is to let others assist you, and you can be there to return the favor when they need assistance.
That means keeping up relationships. And not always assuming that your children are going to be waiting on you hand and foot. (Hint: They're not.) And it means developing relationships with people younger than you are so that when you're 70 or 80 you have lots of 50 and 60 year old friends who don't mind driving you to the grocery store or picking up a bottle of wine.
So, at every birthday, inventory your list of friends. Give thanks for the ones you have and remember to tell them personally what they mean to you. And find a new friend who will be around when your old friends move to Arizona. You may be laughing now, but I know I'm right....
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
When in doubt, ask a woman over 60....
I'd like to give a shout out to my friend Ann Kaplan. We all knew she was a genius but now Forbes has confirmed it!
http://www.forbes.com/2009/04/24/wealth-management-investing-forbes-woman-net-worth-portfolio.html
http://www.forbes.com/2009/04/24/wealth-management-investing-forbes-woman-net-worth-portfolio.html
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Is it the BEST of times or the WORST of times...or something inbetween?
Now, admittedly, I shouldn't be surprised that I'm getting so many different kinds of reactions to my focus on "Turning S*x*y." I'm right in the middle of this big group of people, some older, some younger but all with an opinion. That's one of the things people my age are known for ... we ALL have opinions!
So one friend wrote the following observation:
"Sixty ain't all it's cracked up to be -- on either end of the 'good to bad' spectrum.
And sixty ain't where it used to be in the 'young to old' spectrum of one's life, either. While definitely past the halfway point in years, should you really count as 'age' those years when you were learning the basics, followed by those years when your hormones were in charge? Seriously, life as we know it began sometime around age 25, right? Which puts us squarely in our 30s!"
I actually think my friend has a point! We are in the middle of our most productive years. But productive doesn't necessarily mean that we always have to work for a paycheck or that we have to keep on doing what we keep on doing. We can change horses, lighten the load, veer off on an unmapped trail or ....well, I'm running out of corny metaphors.
Some people see this as liberating...others who may have already experienced shocks to the system in terms of being widowed, having health issues or financial problems, are probably wary of seeing any kind of light at the end of the tunnel.
So one real question is: if you don't like how things have gone so far, how much opportunity do you have to change the future trajectory. Is it mind over matter? Is it being willing to make hard choices and leave some baggage behind and say "I can't change what'a already happened, I can only be prepared for what's to come?"
And for those who have been enjoying life, and are optimistic about the future, are they unrealistic if they're not prepared for the fact that life can come up and slap you in the face in mere moments? And yet certainly we don't want to wake up every morning thinking about what could go wrong!
Trust but verify. Walk softly but carry a big stick. Tell people who are important to you that you love them. Know what three things you'd carry out of your house if it was on fire. And do something nice for yourself every day.
So one friend wrote the following observation:
"Sixty ain't all it's cracked up to be -- on either end of the 'good to bad' spectrum.
And sixty ain't where it used to be in the 'young to old' spectrum of one's life, either. While definitely past the halfway point in years, should you really count as 'age' those years when you were learning the basics, followed by those years when your hormones were in charge? Seriously, life as we know it began sometime around age 25, right? Which puts us squarely in our 30s!"
I actually think my friend has a point! We are in the middle of our most productive years. But productive doesn't necessarily mean that we always have to work for a paycheck or that we have to keep on doing what we keep on doing. We can change horses, lighten the load, veer off on an unmapped trail or ....well, I'm running out of corny metaphors.
Some people see this as liberating...others who may have already experienced shocks to the system in terms of being widowed, having health issues or financial problems, are probably wary of seeing any kind of light at the end of the tunnel.
So one real question is: if you don't like how things have gone so far, how much opportunity do you have to change the future trajectory. Is it mind over matter? Is it being willing to make hard choices and leave some baggage behind and say "I can't change what'a already happened, I can only be prepared for what's to come?"
And for those who have been enjoying life, and are optimistic about the future, are they unrealistic if they're not prepared for the fact that life can come up and slap you in the face in mere moments? And yet certainly we don't want to wake up every morning thinking about what could go wrong!
Trust but verify. Walk softly but carry a big stick. Tell people who are important to you that you love them. Know what three things you'd carry out of your house if it was on fire. And do something nice for yourself every day.
Friday, April 24, 2009
If you don't like the weather...
just wait five minutes is how the old saying goes....
Well, around here, we don't wait five minutes. We wait a week or more. I live in a place where LITERALLY, people have been talking all week that it's going to be WARM THIS WEEKEND! You'd think it was the second coming of sunshine or something....
Now, what does any of this have to do with a blog dedicated to those over 60? Well, I'll tell you...the whole issues of where one is going to live in one's golden years is a very hot topic. There are more than two schools of thought.
School of Thought Number 1 is that you stay where you were planted. That's where your friends are, you want to grow old in your familiar surroundings, your kids want to come back to where they grew up.
SOT #2 is that you stay in the same community or metropolitan area, but you find something more "retirement friendly." This includes condos, houses on one floor, houses with first floor bedrooms and handicapped-accessible bathrooms, apartment complexes that only allow people 55 and over to hang out etc. etc. etc. We won't talk about continuing care retirement communities and assisted living because we're turning 60, not 85.
SOT #3 is that you move near your kids. SOT 3.1 says you actually ASK your kids if they want you to do this. SOT 3.2 says "Hey, we're all adults here" and one day you announce that you've bought a condo a few miles away and that you're available for babysitting. They can take it or leave it.
SOT #4 is that you pick some wonderful place where you've always wanted to live. And this is where our discussion of the weather becomes relevant (you wondered where I was going with this, right?)because, and I am embarrassed to say this, but the older you get the more important temperate climes become.
There, I've said it. I feel like a weeny, but after years in Cleveland and New England, frankly I'm not all that sad when someone invites me to NC or AZ. The question is, would I want to live there FOREVER. Would I want to REGISTER TO VOTE THERE?
This used to be an easier question because the world was divided into places where you would be proud to say you're paying taxes and places where you would be embarrassed to say that you're supporting the current government. But the last election turned places like FL, NC, IN, VA, etc. into what are traditionally called "blue states." This opens a whole new world for those of use who can't imagine moving to a new town and NOT volunteering for the sign commission. Oh yeah, I forgot, those libertarian southern states don't have things like the sign commission. They'll let ANYONE put up ANY SIGN they want. Of course, it means that you feel like you're living in a billboard jungle but that's freedom of expression for you.
I've personally picked out about five places where I would be comfortable retiring to. And NO, one of them is NOT IN FLORIDA! (No offense to my friends who live or winter in Florida.) I've decided that Washington, DC, San Diego, CA, Flagstaff, AZ, St. John's USVI, and Christchurch NZ meet my acceptable standards. Except for one of them, they're all far from my grandchildren however. Hmmmmm.
SOT #5 is that you sell your house, buy an RV and simply start driving. You suck up to friends who travel a lot and offer to housesit for them. You learn where the good shopping center parking lots are. You embarrass your children by parking this monster truck in their driveway. But you always have the wind at your back and you're not tied down (unless gas goes to $7.50 a gallon....)
So we do have options, but each one carries risk as well as reward....to be continued...
Well, around here, we don't wait five minutes. We wait a week or more. I live in a place where LITERALLY, people have been talking all week that it's going to be WARM THIS WEEKEND! You'd think it was the second coming of sunshine or something....
Now, what does any of this have to do with a blog dedicated to those over 60? Well, I'll tell you...the whole issues of where one is going to live in one's golden years is a very hot topic. There are more than two schools of thought.
School of Thought Number 1 is that you stay where you were planted. That's where your friends are, you want to grow old in your familiar surroundings, your kids want to come back to where they grew up.
SOT #2 is that you stay in the same community or metropolitan area, but you find something more "retirement friendly." This includes condos, houses on one floor, houses with first floor bedrooms and handicapped-accessible bathrooms, apartment complexes that only allow people 55 and over to hang out etc. etc. etc. We won't talk about continuing care retirement communities and assisted living because we're turning 60, not 85.
SOT #3 is that you move near your kids. SOT 3.1 says you actually ASK your kids if they want you to do this. SOT 3.2 says "Hey, we're all adults here" and one day you announce that you've bought a condo a few miles away and that you're available for babysitting. They can take it or leave it.
SOT #4 is that you pick some wonderful place where you've always wanted to live. And this is where our discussion of the weather becomes relevant (you wondered where I was going with this, right?)because, and I am embarrassed to say this, but the older you get the more important temperate climes become.
There, I've said it. I feel like a weeny, but after years in Cleveland and New England, frankly I'm not all that sad when someone invites me to NC or AZ. The question is, would I want to live there FOREVER. Would I want to REGISTER TO VOTE THERE?
This used to be an easier question because the world was divided into places where you would be proud to say you're paying taxes and places where you would be embarrassed to say that you're supporting the current government. But the last election turned places like FL, NC, IN, VA, etc. into what are traditionally called "blue states." This opens a whole new world for those of use who can't imagine moving to a new town and NOT volunteering for the sign commission. Oh yeah, I forgot, those libertarian southern states don't have things like the sign commission. They'll let ANYONE put up ANY SIGN they want. Of course, it means that you feel like you're living in a billboard jungle but that's freedom of expression for you.
I've personally picked out about five places where I would be comfortable retiring to. And NO, one of them is NOT IN FLORIDA! (No offense to my friends who live or winter in Florida.) I've decided that Washington, DC, San Diego, CA, Flagstaff, AZ, St. John's USVI, and Christchurch NZ meet my acceptable standards. Except for one of them, they're all far from my grandchildren however. Hmmmmm.
SOT #5 is that you sell your house, buy an RV and simply start driving. You suck up to friends who travel a lot and offer to housesit for them. You learn where the good shopping center parking lots are. You embarrass your children by parking this monster truck in their driveway. But you always have the wind at your back and you're not tied down (unless gas goes to $7.50 a gallon....)
So we do have options, but each one carries risk as well as reward....to be continued...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
We've Been Validated!
I just love it when someone discovers the obvious.
An article in the April 20th NYT proclaimed "The Older Audience is Looking Better Than Ever." (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/20/business/20adcol.html?scp=1&sq=Older%20Audience&st=cse) Instead of thinking of people our age as the Geritol generation -- I mean really, when was the last time you actually heard that someone took Geritol? -- we're now the only people with a positive net worth in the wake of the economic downturn. We have "assets, not allowances." The new "in" statistic is that by 2010, the highest median incomes in the country will be among families led by persons aged 55 to 64. Take THAT Generation X, Y, Z and whoever else you are.....
Gee, who'd a thunk it?
Now, what did it take for this lightning bolt of insight to strike the advertising biz? Well, first it was when the younger ad executives started to get laid off. The kind that say "We never target the 50-year-old market because they don't have many purchase cycles left to them."
Which is why our new slogan is going to be "Never Trust Anyone Under 60." We'll give junior membership to those aged 50 to 60 who learn to respect their elders.
An article in the April 20th NYT proclaimed "The Older Audience is Looking Better Than Ever." (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/20/business/20adcol.html?scp=1&sq=Older%20Audience&st=cse) Instead of thinking of people our age as the Geritol generation -- I mean really, when was the last time you actually heard that someone took Geritol? -- we're now the only people with a positive net worth in the wake of the economic downturn. We have "assets, not allowances." The new "in" statistic is that by 2010, the highest median incomes in the country will be among families led by persons aged 55 to 64. Take THAT Generation X, Y, Z and whoever else you are.....
Gee, who'd a thunk it?
Now, what did it take for this lightning bolt of insight to strike the advertising biz? Well, first it was when the younger ad executives started to get laid off. The kind that say "We never target the 50-year-old market because they don't have many purchase cycles left to them."
Which is why our new slogan is going to be "Never Trust Anyone Under 60." We'll give junior membership to those aged 50 to 60 who learn to respect their elders.
Monday, April 20, 2009
HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY CHOLESTEROL?
I knew that my life had changed....not necessarily for the better or for the worse...when I couldn't wait to tell my walking group that my cholesterol had dropped 85 points.
Forty years ago I would limited this kind of "breaking news" treatment to stories about my boyfriend. Twenty years ago to accomplishments of my children. Now it was my cholesterol.
And no I'm not going to tell you some Birkenstock story of how I changed my diet and started exercising and eating flaxseed and drinking pomegranate juice. I took a pill. A generic pill. And the little sucker went from 280 to 195. Who'd a thunk it?
The problem is that I am not really in favor of taking pills. I think in another life I must have been a Christian Scientist. Certainly my mother brought me up to believe that being sick was a sin. It has made me intolerant of sick children, sick colleagues and all manners of other people. I do make occasional exceptions for inherited maladies but in general I would just rather avoid the medical profession all together. And I am to medicine what most Americans are to government. I am not fond of doctors but I adore my own doctors and my family members who are doctors. And of course family includes all my young friends who are applying to med school or newly minted physicians. They're different....
But here was my problem. I'm fat. There. I've said it. I'm fat. I used to be skinny. People used to feed me because they thought I was wasting away. And so I'm the opposite of an anorexic. When I look in the mirror I see a thin person, no matter who is staring back at me. For this reason I don't look in mirrors too much. Which means I overlook a lot of runs in stockings and sagging hemlines.
And then finally I found this great diet that was the answer to my prayers. The South Beach diet. You could eat all the eggs and cheese and meat you wanted and lose weight. What's not to like (well, the part where you don't eat bread or pasta or drink orange juice....) The other downside was that all those things were cholesterol-laden. So I was finally persuaded to "go on The Pill."
No, I'm not skinny. Staying on that South Beach thing isn't all it's cracked up to be although I don't eat much rice or bread anymore. Except when I do. So I'm still fat, but boy, you should hear about my cholesterol. Have I told you.....?
Forty years ago I would limited this kind of "breaking news" treatment to stories about my boyfriend. Twenty years ago to accomplishments of my children. Now it was my cholesterol.
And no I'm not going to tell you some Birkenstock story of how I changed my diet and started exercising and eating flaxseed and drinking pomegranate juice. I took a pill. A generic pill. And the little sucker went from 280 to 195. Who'd a thunk it?
The problem is that I am not really in favor of taking pills. I think in another life I must have been a Christian Scientist. Certainly my mother brought me up to believe that being sick was a sin. It has made me intolerant of sick children, sick colleagues and all manners of other people. I do make occasional exceptions for inherited maladies but in general I would just rather avoid the medical profession all together. And I am to medicine what most Americans are to government. I am not fond of doctors but I adore my own doctors and my family members who are doctors. And of course family includes all my young friends who are applying to med school or newly minted physicians. They're different....
But here was my problem. I'm fat. There. I've said it. I'm fat. I used to be skinny. People used to feed me because they thought I was wasting away. And so I'm the opposite of an anorexic. When I look in the mirror I see a thin person, no matter who is staring back at me. For this reason I don't look in mirrors too much. Which means I overlook a lot of runs in stockings and sagging hemlines.
And then finally I found this great diet that was the answer to my prayers. The South Beach diet. You could eat all the eggs and cheese and meat you wanted and lose weight. What's not to like (well, the part where you don't eat bread or pasta or drink orange juice....) The other downside was that all those things were cholesterol-laden. So I was finally persuaded to "go on The Pill."
No, I'm not skinny. Staying on that South Beach thing isn't all it's cracked up to be although I don't eat much rice or bread anymore. Except when I do. So I'm still fat, but boy, you should hear about my cholesterol. Have I told you.....?
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Welcome to My World
In a few weeks I'll be 59 1/2 years old. Gee, I can start withdrawing from my IRA WITHOUT A PENALTY! This aging stuff is way cool!
Of course, not so cool is how the entire economy decided to go into the tank just as all the Boomers were planning to retire. One of my friends just emailed that she is thinking of "unretiring." We don't ask why. It isn't done in polite circles.
One wishes you could channel someone who was turning 60 or 65 in 1930 ... they would have been born in 1865 to 1870. You can just see them, hanging out at the local coffee shop, bitching and moaning "First it was Reconstruction and then the Panic of 1893 and then the Great War and now THIS! Don't we ever get a break?" Oh yeah, I forgot....there really wasn't such a thing as retirement back then. You either had already died or your kept working or you moved in with your kids or your maiden sister. And there was no Dunkin' Donuts. We're talking dire poverty.
So it is the best of times and the worst of times. We have our whole lives ahead of us and not a dime in our pockets but what the hey! If you haven't got your health you haven't got anything. And guess what, when you are about to turn 60 that doesn't seem like such a funny statement anymore.
I hope you'll join me in exploring the myriad ways we can continue to annoy both our elders and our offspring. We're Baby Boomers and you'll just have to deal with it. Always have, always will.
Of course, not so cool is how the entire economy decided to go into the tank just as all the Boomers were planning to retire. One of my friends just emailed that she is thinking of "unretiring." We don't ask why. It isn't done in polite circles.
One wishes you could channel someone who was turning 60 or 65 in 1930 ... they would have been born in 1865 to 1870. You can just see them, hanging out at the local coffee shop, bitching and moaning "First it was Reconstruction and then the Panic of 1893 and then the Great War and now THIS! Don't we ever get a break?" Oh yeah, I forgot....there really wasn't such a thing as retirement back then. You either had already died or your kept working or you moved in with your kids or your maiden sister. And there was no Dunkin' Donuts. We're talking dire poverty.
So it is the best of times and the worst of times. We have our whole lives ahead of us and not a dime in our pockets but what the hey! If you haven't got your health you haven't got anything. And guess what, when you are about to turn 60 that doesn't seem like such a funny statement anymore.
I hope you'll join me in exploring the myriad ways we can continue to annoy both our elders and our offspring. We're Baby Boomers and you'll just have to deal with it. Always have, always will.
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